last straw
Friday, May. 05, 2006 @ 12:25 pm

I just need to let it go, but I can't seem to do so. Not yet at least. I'm still so angry and upset about what happened the other night with the OA, and the thought of having to deal with her for the next two months or so (and I'm really not counting on the time being two months. Things move very slowly here.) just seems like an impossibility. Maybe I'll change my mind later after things calm down, but it's hard for me to see how I'll ever go back to talking to her freely like I did before she blindsided me. It would have been one thing if she had come to me in person and spoken to me calmly and rationally, but she didn't. She was never interested in talking things out--she just wanted to rail on me and took the cowards way out. And I know I did as well by putting my thoughts in writing. Perhaps I shouldn't have stooped to her level, but I just could not talk to her.

I've put up with so much from her, but that was the last straw. *sigh*

I went to Artboy's last night with the intent of helping him back, but as usual, we didn't pack. When I got there, we just layed in bed for a bit, and he held me while I cried. I'm such a baby lately--even more so than usual--and I figure it must be all the stress. But I just can't stop crying. (I'm crying now as I type. *sigh*) We then went to dinner at PF Changs. He wanted chinese, and I've only been there a handful of times. I had to talk him into going there, but once we got our meals, he told me I'd picked a good place. We had the lettuce wraps and a bowl of pork dumpling soup which was spicy and absolutely delicious. We then had orange chicken and kung pao chicken, and both were wonderful.

When we got back to his place, I absolutely needed to take a nap before I could do any packing. I was having trouble staying awake at work, so we both took a nap. My intent was a half hour, but then he snoozed, and i ended up sleeping for about an hour.

He wanted to fool around then, and I told him if we did, I wouldn't be able to help pack because I was exhausted and needed to get home to sleep. So we continued. AFterwards, I took a shower, and he started to pack, and when I was through with the shower, I started crying again. I decided I just needed to let it out instead of holding it back because obviously I needed to release. And he just held me and told me things would be okay. I was a mess.

I went home soon after that and fell asleep immediately. I turned on the tv for noise, and Oprah was on for a few seconds before they went to commercial. That was all I remember.

I'm so stressed. My eye is back to twitching, and it's driving me crazy. That started again yesterday. After the move this weekend, I should be feeling better.

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