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ever? Have you ever felt that you just weren't living the life you were meant to live? Not doing what you were meant to do...living where you were meant to live? I've been feeling that way more and more, and as I was sitting here staring out the window, looking at the busy city street outside, I felt this overwhelming urge to scream, "I don't belong here!!!" Here at this job...here in this city. But what to do? Well, moving to Flagstaff is the easy decision. Flagstaff feels like home...it has for as long as I can remember. And as soon as Artboy and I can swing it, we will move there. But what to do once we get there? That's the hard part. That's the part I keep searching for answers on. And I think I'm getting them, but choosing to ignore them. Because they aren't easy. They aren't safe. But probably most rewarding. I've always been a cautious person. I've never been a risk taker. Everything is planned out as carefully as I can plan it. Throwing caution to the wind is not my style. I think it's odd (but yet not really) that I've surrounded myself with people who are spontaneous, fun loving, creative, risk takers. I must crave that, and hope some of their "stuff" will rub off on me. And maybe it has just a little bit. But the cautious me sure does put up a fuss. I didn't finish that free online course about what skills I had that would translate well into a job. In fact, the only thing I did was the tests that were in the book--I never actually delved into the course material. The timing was bad--I'll have to sign up for it again. But I know how disappointed I was to find out that my skills were perfect for the job that I am doing now. Which I guess isn't surprising, since I've been doing this job for nearly 7 years now. Guess I've picked up some skills along the way. Skills that I didn't necessarily have when I started this job, fresh from college and only having worked retail before then. I long to get my hands dirty in clay...to smell the wonderful earthy smell of mud on my hands...forming some wonderful creation. To hear the click of the camera..the smell of the processing chemicals..to see the image magically appear on what was once a blank piece of paper. To swirl colors together to create something wonderful. Would anyone care? Would it inspire anyone? Could I make a living? I don't know. But I do know that I need to create...even if it's just in my spare time...and see what comes of it. But what to do until then. That is what I need to figure out. |