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tumors I'm having a difficult time today. After a goofy first half of the day, pretty much ending after lunch, after we'd had a piece of pumpkin pie with real whipped cream, everything stopped. I was feeling pretty good. Jess had invited me to see Rob Bell with her, her boyfriend, and my boss' son, and it was an amazing night last night. It was something that I really needed to hear, and I was feeling so thankful that I was invited and was able to see it. This feels very disjointed. *sigh* I'd just seen Susan for the first time since she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I picked her up from her treatment at the hospital on Tuesday and drove her to her hair stylist and then home. I'd been afraid to see her--I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing or wouldn't know what to say to her. But all of that was for naught. We talked like usual. She looked great, was moving around great, and was speaking well. They'd gotten her meds straightened out so the swelling in her brain was down. She'd lost a clump of hair the day before and had planned on shaving her head this weekend, but her husband calmed her down and told her to go see her hair stylist. So we did that on Tuesday, and it turned out that she had only lost hair where the target site was for the radiation and where she'd had her biopsy done. Everything else was fine and she was told not to shave it yet. I think that lifted a huge weight for her. But all that was short lived. Her docs called that day and told her they wanted to see her right away. So she went to the doctor on Wednesday. They've found another cancerous tumor that isn't being targeted by the current treatment. And they feel she needs to have brain surgery to remove it. I'm sure I've got some of the details messed up. As Pam was telling me this, my mind started going. I was just trying so hard not to start crying. We talked about how we were feeling for a bit, and she said she was going to email our boss, asking for a debriefing. And I got up and went to Jess' office and asked for a hug and just started crying. I'm just so angry and sad. Susan is one of the most amazing people I know, and this is just so not fair. I don't know what to do with this anger. I don't do angry well. My heart just breaks for her. She's already survived breast cancer. She's survived rape by a family member. And a month ago, she was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer...and now there's another one. She's gone through so much and she has such an amazingly positive attitude. She's so strong, and if anyone can beat this, it's her. But dammit. She shouldn't have to fight this battle again. |